A sport that is all about looking the best, being the leanest and having enough muscles in the right places does things to your brain. Both good and bad things.

The popularity around bikini fitness (and just having a lean body in general) have increased dramatically the last few years. Personally I think this is a good thing, as it makes both men and women look after themselves and living a better lifestyle. I believe more and more are aware of their eating habits today then what they were before. Which is good. But there is so many who do not educate themselves enough, or get coached by personal trainers or coaches who are very uneducated and ruin their bodies and their wellbeing. If you ever hire a trainer or nutritionist who tells you to do any crazy diets or anything you think its unhealthy. Sack em’.

When I started prepping on my first bikini fitness journey in 2014, I was lucky enough to have an experienced and very educated trainer who didn’t make me go through a low-calorie diet and putting me and my body at risk. Well of course my diet was very strict. But prepping diets usually are, no surprise there. At that time I didn’t have a clue about health or nutrition. I remember I did a lot of research on different ways on how to get muscles quicker, how to lose weight faster. I constantly approached my coach with all these new findings, but he always said stick to what I’ve told you.

Not only did I search for diets, but I looked up other bikini girls on Instagram and compared myself to them. BAD MOVE. I got obsessed, I felt FAT. And let me tell you I’ve never been so skinny in my life before. On my competition day I was around 56-57 kg! And I’m 178 cm tall(5’10). But I didn’t have enough muscles on me at the time, and to even show some definition I had to be very lean. But I was skinny…

My second bikini prep I had added much more muscles to my body, my diet was even more relaxed than my previous one. But I still compared myself to anyone I saw on Instagram. I looked up at girls who were going to be in the same category as me and again I felt FAT. I felt like my body wasnt good enough. If I could even get a pinch of fat dragged out, I was too fat for bikini fitness. In my head I should only be able to pull skin. 2 weeks prior to the competition I was stressing out. I was afraid I wouldn’t be ready, as I felt I had too much fat on my body. People around me started worry as they thought I was too skinny. Well let me just add that most friends and family tend to get a bit worried closer to the competition date as you do have a very low body fat than you did 3 months ago, it is a very dramatic change in a short time. 11358683_10155650085545529_1513058599_n


I’ve never been so nervous. You are going to stand in a tiny little bikini showing off your body to over 1000 people. I knew if I had too much body fat on me, people would judge. This feeling is not a good one, and you have to be mentally strong and prepared before even starting on a diet and training regime.

Even though my worries nearly got the best of me I got ready and I got 2nd place. One of my greatest achievements.

Bikini fitness do a lot to your head. The fact that I actually called myself fat, when I was at my skinniest, is very, very sad. You can get obsessed with “clean eating” as you just want to stay as lean as when you were on stage (which is pretty much impossible and not healthy). You just love that feeling of not having any fat hanging out of your trousers and going shopping is amazing as sometimes even XS is too big for you. And sad to say, but this was actually an amazing feeling..


BUT, I don’t think if I never went through those experiences I wouldn’t be as happy  with my body that I am today. Yes I do like to stay lean and show a six-pack and definition (just personal preference I guess). But now, if I can grab a handful or two of fat off my stomach, I couldn’t care less. I’m now in peace with my body. I found a balance.

You might say that it is absurd to have to go through 2 bikini competitions to be happy with your body. I totally agree, however everyone finds their own way on how to finally love every single part of their body.

I think bodybuilding competitions are a fantastic sport. If its done correctly. You learn so much about yourself and your body. It does have way too much negative stuff surrounding it. But if you have the right people around you who can keep you sane, support you, give you the right dieting and training advice, you will step off that stage with the best feeling in the world. (*note my first competition I cried when I came off stage, as I was not happy with my preformance) But as everything else, the more you do it, the better you will be at it.

Those few minutes on stage were one of the best minutes of my life.

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